Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? (Psalm 42:5, NIV).
Ebony and Ivory
a woeful lament
of a dark soul
downcast, in torment
a heart that pitifully weeps
desperate, quiet needs
smothered in the heavy darkness
of the organ’s
Toccata and Fugue
Much love from a heavy heart
Mia
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The Christian understands God as the unique source of all good and himself as absolutely needy in relation to Him (Karl Barth).
So if you sinful people know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to those who ask Him (Luke 11:13, NLT).
“Why do you call Me good?” Jesus asked. “Only God is truly good” (Mark 10:18, NLT).
There was a time when I used to have a totally inflated opinion about anyone carrying a lofty title like pastor, bishop, reverend, priest, prophet, evangelist and so forth.
I had a unique way of acting in the presence of any “man from God”. I think when we want to be honest, most of us are quite familiar with that hushed, pious tone of voice, quoting as much Scripture as possible.
We subtly recite our latest list of “good” deeds, using only high-sounding language, lavishly laced with all the latest religious jargon.
In other words and just plain good old English: I was a humongous hypocrite trying very hard to impress our Pappa through this person!
And mentally I was tallying everything I should rather not talk about in this holy man’s presence. Oh, why do we do this kind of nonsense? But I had an even bigger problem.
Whenever I read Jesus’ words to the religionists who had a big goody-bag to hand out nice thingies like bread instead of stones, or an egg instead of a scorpion to their children, I thought that I had found the key to unlock the storehouses of heaven.
My religious mindset was deceived into believing that being and doing good would result in health, wealth and prosperity.
Conveniently, I didn’t see the part where Pappa offers us His Spirit as His “good things”. Until it finally dawned on me that goodness according to the world’s and religious standards differs greatly from the goodness of God.
Paul does not beat around the bush when He tells us that no good thing dwells in man and there is no one who truly does good (Romans 3:11-12).
In the Garden of Eden Adam already thought he could decide for himself what good and evil were. I don’t think he realized that evil existed only in the absence of God, for goodness is the exclusive attribute of God.
We, as mere mortals, are incapable of exhibiting the righteous, good character of our Pappa. When we look at the Law, we see that it is an expression of His character and His alone.
We are created as derivative creatures and we derive our spirituality from one of two sources: either the evil one, or our heavenly Father! In the Garden Adam had one of two choices: believing God or lending out his ears to Satan.
Only in the absence of God’s goodness, do we find evil … in the absence of His love, hate … in the absence of His life, death … truth, lies … light, darkness. He alone is the preserver of life, content, personal and relational!
How absurd to think that we can somehow formulate a prayer as a sort of discipline or work with which we can get our Pappa to cater to our desires through our persistent nagging.
I sometimes wonder what happened to, “Into your Hands I commit my spirit. Father, glorify your Name!”.
When we trust a law of prayer, especially when we put our hope in a proper prayer technique or words, we are back to trusting ourselves!
Those dear ones who are illiterate or those who don’t have a Bible, cannot pray the words from the Bible back to their Pappa; a new bandwagon on the religious scene!
They do not have the “advantage” of their educated brethren of using the written words of their God as a talisman to charm their Pappa into compliance.
I often cannot even think two straight thoughts in a row due to Fibrofog, never mind remembering the rules of prayer. At such times, I can only sigh in His Presence.
Before the Truth had set me free of this folly, my inability to pray “important” prayers, would usually send me on a major guilt trip!
Oh, what a joy when His freedom dawned on me and I realized that in order to receive the good things of God, His sweet Holy Spirit, I only had to ask!! So simple … so uncomplicated … so incredibly childlike!
Our Pappa God is the greatest friend of mankind. He loves us with an everlasting love. He knows all our needs and mostly ignores our greeds. Even “No” is sometimes the best answer!
When we are willing to rely on Him, and on nothing or no one else, as our sole provider, we are finally able to go to Him, empty-handed and without any religious garb.
James Fowler describes it so beautifully where he says, “I cannot; only You can. I have not; only You have. I seek; only You can supply”.
Our Pappa’s father heart rejoices whenever His children come to Him, assured of and trusting His unconditional love and shamelessly, yet desperately admit their total dependence on His goodness, His love, His grace, actually, on Him and Him alone!
Much love and sweet blessings
Mia
He will feed his flock like a shepherd. He will carry His lambs in His arms, holding them close to His heart. He will gently lead the mother sheep with their young (Isaiah 40:11, NLT).
Today is the beginning of the International Fibromyalgia/ME Awareness Week. Although research is only in its infancy, we look forward to progress and perhaps a breakthrough in the near future.
Due to unbelief, many if not most sufferers, received very bad and hostile treatment from the medical profession.
But at least we are finally beginning to be acknowledged as human beings with a real and quite disabling disease.
Isaiah 40:11 reminds us so wonderfully of how well the good Shepherd from heaven takes care of mothers and their children.
He cares for the broken ones, the weak, the sick, the unimportant, the unwanted and the rejected of this world. They only need to come to Him.
When my son, Simon, was in Grade 11, we had to buy text books for Grade 12 when the Grade 12 pupils were selling their old books second-hand at a much lower price than new books.
I recall the week when we had to pay about R600 (around $67) for two text books as well as payment for the initiation camp for the following year’s Grade 12 learners.
It was in the middle of the month and we were stone, cold broke with only a few pennies we had to rub together in any case. Yet, I knew I had a Pappa who promised to take care of all our needs.
The morning the payment was due, we still had not received our Lord’s provision, but I assured my children that the money would be paid before the end of the day.
When they left for school, I had a serious talk with my God, reminding Him that today is D-day and we still were empty-handed (or rather empty pocketed).
He told me to go to the ATM, and of course I stubbornly had to argue a bit, for the previous day when I checked, I was taunted by a big, round zero. Oh, those trust issues!!!!
At the word of our Lord, in the famous Peter style with the fishing nets, reluctantly, off to the ATM I went.
I couldn’t believe my eyes when I found that double the amount we needed was paid back to us from the Receiver of Revenue. We were overjoyed and my children’s faith grew with leaps and bounds.
One would think that I was now cured of my stubbornness. Oh no, not this one. As a Fm/CFS sufferer, I had my fair share of unbelief, rejection and neglect from doctors, church people and also family and friends.
To such an extent that I landed up in the proverbial pig pen; not because of my foolishness, but because I had no one to care for me when I couldn’t take care of myself. Nobody believed that I was really ill.
But I was never alone. I could hear my Pappa screaming in my pain and suffering. Faithfully He was working in His normal mysterious ways to perform His wonders in my life.
The shepherds of ancient times would break the legs of the lambs that constantly wandered away.
Then he would set the leg and carry the lamb on his shoulder until the leg was healed. After that the lamb would remain by the shepherd’s side for the rest of its life.
Pappa knew of my stubborn propensities to be a master performer to earn everyone’s love and approval.
With my religious mindset, I just could not believe that I already was loved and accepted by our God.
Because of His amazing love, He did what the shepherds did with their stubborn, wandering lambs. Allowing Fm/ME in my life, He “broke” my legs.
With such tender care and love, He gently set it as well and carried me around His neck until I was healed of my stubbornness and insecurities.
I have learned how good it is when my Beloved Shepherd Himself feeds me with the milk of His love… His grace … His life and compassion.
Fm/CFS has taught me how to always walk with our Lord and never ever to leave His side again.
Even though we suffer greatly at times, I am so grateful for the wonder and joy of walking daily with our God … for the privilege of living in His Loving Embrace.
Love and sweet blessings
Mia
He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others (2 Corinthians 1:4, NLT)
Philip Yancey and Dr Paul Brandt are the co-authors of the book, The Gift of Pain. Dr Brandt was born in India to missionary parents and became a missionary doctor in Vellore, India for fifty years.
He was the first physician who discovered that leprosy did not cause the rotting away of tissue, but it was the loss of the sensation of pain that made the sufferers susceptible to injury.
Dr Paul Brandt
This dear man knew from experience the wonderful gift of pain. A year or two ago I discovered the truth of his words when I was in the grip of excruciating Fibromyalgia pain.
As the strongest pain killers could only dull the sharpest edge of this sword ripping through my body, I went to lie down.
I was drawing near to my Pappa, asking Him to just hold me for I was unable to carry this burden alone. Like Jesus, I also needed someone to help me carry this cross. He mercifully hushed me to sleep.
Later, with my eyes still closed, I could feel my husband’s arms embracing me close to his heart.
I opened my eyes, only to find my dearest lying far away from me on his side of the bed, fast asleep. His gentle snoring told me that he was having a good time in the Land of Dreams. I was confused for there was no one holding me.
Then I heard Pappa whispering that it was Him, not my husband, hugging me close, just as I had asked Him to do.
He was cuddling me gently against His breast … He was enveloping me with His compassion … He was comforting me in His Loving Embrace.
Much love
Mia
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Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward (Colossians 3:23-24, NIV).
Let a man sanctify the Lord God in his heart and he can thereafter do no common act … For such a man, living itself will be sacramental. As he performs his never so simple task, he will hear the voice of the seraphim saying, “Holy, Holy, Holy, is the Lord of Hosts. The whole world is full of His glory.” (A.W.Tozer – The Pursuit of God).
The yardstick of this world is a mighty weapon leaving many, many casualties in its wake. A major disease that is a result of this monster, is the housewife syndrome.
This disease is as old as time and no cure has ever been found. No amount of psychology or common sense is totally able to heal this illness. It has ingrained its lies deep in the hearts of its victims.
Most of us become skilled in the game of comparing very early in life and we soon measure our worth on the scales of performance. And this, at least, is one thing I used to be able to perform with excellence!
Ever since my boys were small, I used to be just a housewife, a wife and a mother. I considered myself to be quite low on the scale of importance and were plagued by feelings of guilt for burying my talents in the ground.
Who will ever consider doing laundry, scrubbing floors, cooking meals, ironing, making beds, etc, etc, etc, to be a noble vocation! Definitely not me for I was quite snobbish.
Helping my husband to keep the pot boiling, I designed children’s clothing. I was an excellent seamstress and worked into the early morning hours sewing the most beautiful clothes. Yet, in my eyes this was still a common profession.
Another cohort contributing mightily to this whole shebang is the world of religion. The religious elite is not innocent in this folly and most have their own set of performance rules and regulations to keep the wheels of the cart rolling!
I recall the time when the medical profession was unable to provide an explanation for my Fm/CFS. Well, my husband did not understand it either. In the beginning he was not supportive, believing this illness to be just a figment of my imagination.
This was a hard time for both of us for I was unable to fulfill my duties and he worked very hard. One day he even dragged me to the stove telling me to stop being such a hypochondriac and look after my family. I could only scream in pain and crawled back to bed.
I needed help and support desperately and went to see my pastor and his wife. In a previous post I wrote about the catastrophic outcome of this meeting for their diagnosis was that my sorry state was actually the result of not serving the saints.
One day I realized that all my striving and comparing were just as useless as chasing the wind and I heard a voice!! Softly and tenderly it wooed me like a fresh breeze of love to come to Him.
His cure for this foolishness was actually so incredibly simple, “So whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God” (1 Corinthians 10:31, NLT). When our Pappa God wrote this cure on the tablets of my heart, I was overjoyed.
My eyes were opened and I could suddenly see why Brother Lawrence considered washing the dishes at the monastry, a holy experience (The Practice Of The Presence Of God).
I realized that if humble duties like eating or drinking, things we share with our lowly animal friends, could be done to honor and glorify our Lord, there is nothing, except sin, that is not important to our Pappa.
Like all the blessings our Pappa bestows on us, the secret for this cure is hidden and available only in Him. As we learn to set our eyes on heaven and to store our treasures there where moths and rust cannot destroy, we soon find our hearts desiring nothing else, but the will of our Pappa.
I often wondered why Pappa hasn’t healed my Fm/CFS until He told me that it is for my own good. This is just a thorn in my flesh to prevent me from surrendering again to this cursed life of earning approval through performance.
Much love XX
Mia
I would like to hear if I was the only sufferer of this performance disease. Please, let me know!
“Then Peter denied it again, and immediately a rooster crowed.” (John 18:27, NET).
I am delighted to introduce you to my husband, Andre. He has graciously agreed to write a guest post. Thank you, so much! Over to my Dearest:
My wife, Mia, asked me to look for a photograph that speaks to me spiritually. I immediately thought of the rooster that crowed when Peter denied our Lord the third time.
What is really significant to me is the way Peter reacted when he realized Jesus’ prediction came true! In Luke 22:62 (NLT), we read that Peter left the courtyard weeping bitterly!
Can you imagine how Peter must have felt? He just denied his best Friend, the Man he spent three years with travelling the length and breadth of Israel.
They virtually lived in each other’s pockets as the saying goes. Was Peter not considered to be the leader of the disciples? Yet, at crunch time he could not speak up for Jesus, he denied Him.
Proud Peter failed and the first one to realize it, to his credit, was him. Did he not boast a few days earlier that when everyone runs away, he will stay with Jesus? He did stay for a while, chopping a guard’s ear off when they came to arrest Jesus!
This seems quite brave, but he denied that he knows Jesus, not once or twice, but three time! Proud, impulsive, boastful Peter. Once again, pride came before the fall.
In my language, Afrikaans, we have a saying: “Spyt kom altyd te laat.” Roughly translated it means that remorse always comes too late.
Fortunately for Peter, he did not deny an ordinary Man! He denied the Lord of lords and the King of kings in Whose book, remorse is never too late.
Just a few days after Jesus’s resurrection we find them on the beach of the Sea of Galilea. When Peter realized it was Jesus, he did not even wait for the boat to dock, but jumped overboard and swam to shore!
After they all had breakfast, Jesus asked Peter three time if he loves Him. Peter was hurt that the Lord had to ask him the question three times. He kept on saying that Jesus knows the answer. Did he remember the cock that crowed?
However, after the third time that Peter answered that he loves Jesus, the Lord simply said, “Follow me” (John 21:19, NLT). This is the epitome of forgiveness!
I mean, here is the man that denied Jesus and He asked Peter to follow Him and to look out for His followers. How many of us would’ve done that? Peter was once again restored.
I also deny my Lord daily, whether I want to or not! Life happens and before you know it, you have scolded a colleague or bad-mouthed the boss. Is that not the same as denying Jesus?
Are we not supposed to love our fellow-man? Should we, as folks who have been rescued from the pit of hell, not live as an example to the rest? This is how we think.
But, we have a Spirit that convicts us. It does not condemn us, but simply reminds us in a gentle way that we have sinned.
We don’t need a rooster to crow. This gentle conviction gives us the opportunity to go back to Jesus, ask for His forgiveness and His love will overcome everything!
It is never too late for remorse in Jesus’ world! Trust Him.
Blessings
André
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“But Lord”, Gideon asked, “how can I save Israel? My clan is the weakest in Mannaseh, and I am the least of my family.” (Judges 6:15,
“The Lord is with you, mighty warrior.” (Judges 6:12, NIV)
Gideon was hiding like a coward in the winepress, frightened of the Midianites, threshing wheat, when the Lord paid him a visit, “Good day, mighty warrior! Why are you hiding? No need, brave one, for I am with you.”
Startled and horrified, Gideon answered, “With all due respect Lord, but you must certainly be confused. How can you be with us when you have delivered us into the hands of the Midianites?”
With a roguish smile his Pappa God answered, “My dear brave child, why don’t you go and destroy the Midianites instead of being a scary pants? After all, your name does not mean destroyer without a reason. When I look at you I see a mighty warrior!”
Appalled by this suggestion, Gideon asked, “Father, you must certainly be joking! Look at me; I am from the tribe of Manasseh, the son of Joseph, and you know what that means. Like Joseph, the other clans do not like us at all!”
After a pause, he continued, “The great-great-great-grandparents of the Midianites were Abraham and Keturah; not Sarah, whom you called princess. We are the descendants of Sarah, your favorite, and still you delivered us into their hands!! It is not fair.”
Hastily he added, “Manasseh does not mean “causing to forget” for nothing. We are the forgotten ones, the least of the least, we are certainly your black sheep”. He used all the excuses he could think of to get out of this predicament.
(Five minutes are finished)
Patiently God sighed, “Gideon, I have no favorites. Besides, the other clans are so puffed-up with their own importance, that I have to choose the least of the least to deliver you all out of the strive and in-fighting going on amongst yourselves.”
A flabbergasted Gideon still wanted to object when the Lord explained, “Gideon, the meaning of the name Midian is “strife and contention”.
Then our Pappa God became somber, “Although I want to destoy the physical threat against my people, those rumbustious Midianites, I want to eradicate all those stubborn roots of strife and anger in your hearts.”
God smiled,”My desire for us is to catch those little foxes ruining the tender sweet grapes. They are destroying my beautiful vineyard that I have cultivated with so much love and care.”
Love and blessings XX
Mia
P.s. I was informed by someone that I had my facts a bit skewed. Instead of saying Abraham and Keturah were the Midianites’ great-grandparents, a few times removed, I only said they were their great-grandparents. And I had the descendants all mixed-up.
The spelling of Keturah’s name was also wrong; I had it “Ketubah” which is a Jewish marriage contract. I am sure Abraham never married a marriage contract! Hahaha!
They say it is not a shame to be poor, but to be stupid is quite another matter altogether! Please forgive, for I corrected it after my five minutes.
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