God’s Thoughts to Me
Such love has no fear, because perfect love expels all fear. If we are afraid, it is for fear of punishment, and this shows that we have not fully experienced His perfect love. We love each other, because He loved us first (1 John 4:18-19, NLT ).
S … O … S
Yesterday I listened to an old song by Police, “Message in A Bottle” on the radio. For the first time I truly heard the words and could relate to the heartbreaking plea, “Sending out a S.O.S to the World”.
It painted a vivid picture of how lost and lonely the people of this world are, with hearts craving for unconditional love, with hearts screaming a silent S.O.S. For a long, long time I was also caught in the trap where love and acceptance were weighed on the same worldly scales of profit.
My soul was like a bottle floating on the murky seas of a world, lost in the chaos and darkness … an orphaned world … a world imprisoned by the fallen prince of darkness.
My heart silently screamed, pleading to be rescued from a world where love is dispensed only to the rich, the beautiful and successful, the go-getters and performers, the healthy and the wealthy, etc.
Like the rest of humanity who doesn’t know their Creator, I was co-dependent on this incredible sadness and frantic striving to be part of the “IN” crowd.
The Afrikaner culture which I got in with my mother’s milk, taught me from my earliest memories that children were seen and not heard.
You respect your parents, elders, grandparents, pastors, church leaders and leaders in general. Thinking for yourself and asking questions were a sure sign of rebellion.
But the human race at large has forgotten that these positions of authority just bind us in chains of fool’s gold. We are quite a power hungry sort of species.
Any position of authority in life without our Pappa God as the source of love, strength and wisdom, usually feeds that hungry power monster in our souls which will show its ugly head at some stage.
Even loving our children can be out of a selfish motive when we want them to fill that empty space in our hearts only our Pappa can fill or to achieve the dreams we could not. I don’t think any parent is truly innocent of this crime.
This mindset is a foolproof recipe for disaster for brewing a poisonous brew in the hearts of innocent young ones.
Psychology tells us that bottling-up our emotions of hurt, abuse, sadness, rejection and the like cause a fermentation process that, in turn, can cause a lot of disfunction later in life.
I can witness to this truth. For too long, I laboured under the lie that those in a position of authority over me, could use and abuse me to their heart’s delight. Love and acceptance were commodities to be earned.
It is a lie that has fermented into a truly deadly teaching; even in our organized churches. Oh, we know the silent laws and by-laws:
Wives, submit to your husband even if it kills you. By all means, stay under the spiritual covering of your religious leaders. But the umbrella of their seniority is but a feeble protection against the storms of life.
Respect and obey your church leaders over and above your parents. Follow their example, whether their conduct speak of a life dependent on our Lord Jesus or not.
A different opinion is immediately seen as back-chat and/or insubordination. Non-compliance is met with an ice cold shoulder.
Children honor your parents and grandparents at all cost. It does not matter if they abuse you or run you down.
Yet, what I found shining in its absence, was our Lord Jesus’ teaching that to be a leader in His economy, you have to kneel down in the dirt and wash the feet of those who are under your care, becoming a slave to all.
After a steady liquid diet of this fermented concoction, a concoction that had been brewing for many years from the bitter ingredients of abuse, rejection, shame, incompetence, hurt, sexual abuse, condemnation and fault finding, brought me to the brink of my sanity.
I was never taught assertiveness and how to always speak the truth in love. I needed to just shut my trap and allow the bottle of my soul to be filled to the brim with all the dirt and rubbish of pain and abuse. Until one day, the lid burst off completely.
Once at a family gathering a few months after my dad passed away, the bottle of my heart could not accommodate any more abuse, mistreatment or sorrow and exploded with a nasty, noisy, heart-breaking BAM.
All the ugliness, bitterness, rejection and resentment boiled over … and over … and over, until there was nothing left.
The bottle of my heart was now empty. I was now able to dare to love myself and wrote a love letter to my Pappa God, sealing it tightly with my kisses, sending it out in another bottle, asking Him to save me from myself and the world we live in.
This bottle was floating on the seas of my prayers and was found almost as soon as I had sent it off. It was found by none other than our Lord Jesus Himself!
My Pappa read this message of His girl wanting to come home with tears of joy running down His face and was constantly looking down the road to see if He could see His daughter approaching.
While I was still far off, He recognized His child. He hitched up His robes and ran down the road to receive me home.
His love is so complete and unconditional and the two of us had to work hard to annihilate the ingrained dirt roads of lies that were imbedded in my mind. We still do.
He washed me as white as snow with the blood of the Lamb and dressed me in the royal purple robe of Jesus’ righteousness. He slaughtered the fattened calf to celebrate my homecoming.
There is no other place on this earth that I would now rather be than in my Pappa’s house where He tucks me in when I go to sleep at night … where His generous smile is my delight … where I can safely rest in His Loving Embrace.
Much love xx
26 thoughts on “Message in A Bottle”
So glad you broke free from these things & thanks for sharing. I am on another cycle of unravelling with some of these co-dependency things from the past. Sometimes it’s hard to sometimes what is ‘normal’ and what is not, but thankfully with God’s love we can.
Untangling life’s tangles does take a lot of time. Please be very patient with yourself and allow our Pappa to hold your hand as you walk just that one step at a time. Thank you for your visit.
Much love XX
I grew up in a children should be seen and not heard household, where emotions and challenges were not allowed out of the box of ourselves – yet it was our responsibility to make sure everyone was o.k. I understand feeling that need to explode, to break the cycle of where everyone is allowed out of the box but me:) Sometimes I feel sandwiched between 2 such generations:) Glad you broke free and found a loving Father.
That is exactly what our Pappa does if we allow Him; He longs to be found! What helped me so much was reading the book, Boundaries, by Townsend and Cloud. They are Chtistian Pshycologists.
Much love XX
My dear Mia, my heart is shouting in praise of the perfect, redemptive love of our Abba Pappa in your life. He has opened the bottle, read the s.o.s. and is taking what was shamefully broken and abused, and is healing and restoring… shaping a woman of inner beauty after His own heart. Sink into Him, sweet sister.
Oh, I do…..! That drawing deep into His life, feeling Him drawing near to me too, is something one cannot explain to another. Only our Pappa can reveal that to a hungry, seeking heart. Thank you for being such a dear friend.
Much love XX
Another wonderful, powerful post. God bless you, lovely Mia
Thank you for your encouragement! I am glad you could relate.
Much love XX
Beautifully written Mia; so deep and transparent from your heart. 🙂
What an awesome testimony you have; one of courage, strength, and unconditional love for our Father whose love never fails. God does not leave us alone when we feel that everything around us is unstable and uncertain; He stands beside us and strengthens us no matter what we are going through! 🙂
Blessings and love dear sister,
Thank you so much for your kindness! Yes, our Pappa walks so very close to those who suffer. And when we fall, He tenderly picks us up and carries us home.
Much love XX
LOL – happy memories thinking of that record – message in a bottle 🙂 The Father is so gooooood x
Yip, I agree! That is a great song. When we were younger the music had much more of a tune, don’t you think!
Much love XX
dearest Mia, you have such a ministry. keep teaching us, what Pappa God has taught you. bless you friend.
Thank you sooo much for your kind words. I always say we can only offer comfort we have received from our Pappa first.
Much love to you, dear friend
This is so powerful, Mia. The image of the bottle floating adrift and later nursing open. wow. Have you thought of writing a book? You write so well. I read every word and linger here. well done, good friend!
I will know when the time is right for me to write a book or perhaps just short stories. Thank you for your encouragement through your blog and go and rest now at the silent retreat in the Presence of your Pappa.
Much love XX
What a powerful exploration of this bottle, friend. I am so thankful for the freedom you’ve found in him. And what a long road, I’m sure, but all along the way — and not just at the end and still — your Father waits for you. He loves you so much and truly delights in the ways you proclaim his transforming love. Thank you, Mia.
I need to thank you for always being such an encouraging friend. To know that you understand the things I have been going through brings so much comfort to my heart. May He bless you richly, dear one.
Much love XX
I am so thankful for your testimony, Mia. You are a brave, brave lady. So grateful for the healing love of our good God.
Our Pappa God is not called the Healer for nothing, don’t you think! He specializes in taking broken, sinful people and nurses them back to health. Thanks for your kind words.
“Even loving our children can be out of a selfish motive when we want them to fill that empty space in our hearts only our Pappa can fill or to achieve the dreams we could not. I don’t think any parent is truly innocent of this crime.” So guilty of this myself. This is such a portrait of my life before Jesus. Not exact in the details, but exact in the feeling. Thanks for sharing Mia!
It is such an ingrained parent thing that takes a lot of grace to let go. I am glad you can relate to this post and that you were encouraged. I always enjoy your sweet smile in your thumbnail photo.
Much love XX
Dear Mia, how I identify with the catalogue of pain, shame and abuse which seeps into our very pores until the Launderer washes them clean with His heavenly soap. How I feel for you too in the bottling up of such distress until it explodes one day with destructive force. And then to be held safe at last in arms that seek only to brush tears away as He cradles us close. I ran into Pappa God’s embrace as a frightened child. Now, He is helping me to become a woman of courage, just as you are too. This fellow wounded warrior salutes you for your beautiful soul ablaze with the Light of His presence.
Thank you soooo much, dear sister, I salute you too. Oh, our Pappa brings such beauty out of ashes, strength out of our weakness. He anoints us with His fragrant oil of joy and rejoices over us with singing. Oh, when the Truth has made us free, we are truly free and love Him so much.
Much love to you XX
When I read that litany of lies about abuse and submission that had squashed you down, I shuddered. I’m glad you exploded, that it all came out, that you have the experience of knowing God as a gentle Pappa.
Thanks so much for sharing this story and for linking up in the concrete words posts – I really appreciate it! It’s been such a pleasure to host, and always an encouragement to read your stories! Much love.
I am so glad that our Pappa enabled me to forgive all the people that did the abusing and the important relationships are totally healed and flourishing. At times I find it still difficult to forgive myself, but Pappa and I are getting there. Is this your last host for the concrete words, my friend?