A Senseless Horse

God’s Thoughts to Me

I will guide you along the best pathway for your life. I will advise you and watch over you. Do not be like a senseless horse or mule that needs a bit and a bridle to keep it under control. (Psalm 32:8-9, NLT)

In Training

It is a great honor to participate in Amber’s Concrete Word Series. Amber paints with words and she brings the abstract to life through her use of concrete words. Amber can be found at http://therunamuck.com/2012/10/28/an-abstraction-on-the-horse/.

The last few weeks this Scripture has been repeating like a refrain in my mind and I was quite puzzled and uncertain about the reason my thoughts kept wandering back to Psalm 32. My heart quietly, without words, asked our Heavenly Father the reason for my predicament for I had a suspicion that I was being compared to a senseless horse or stubborn mule.

When I saw Amber’s invitation to write on An Abstraction on a Horse, I knew our Pappa was leading me to a painful, yet liberating revelation. The haphazard array of puzzle pieces in my mind started to fit perfectly as the scales, blinding my spiritual eyes, fell off. I could slowly but surely start to comprehend what our Pappa was trying to teach me.

For the past 8 years I have been suffering from Fm/ME and although I have come to a place of sweet acceptance and know our Lord will work His good through this illness as well, I have found it difficult to understand why our Pappa uses such a debilitating, chronic, painful illness to bring about His good. He knows how very sensitive I am to pain! But as always His thoughts and ways are definitely not mine!

Our Lord is very well acquainted with all my insecurities and shame-based self-esteem that causes me to gallop ahead like a frigthened, senseless horse, as fast as I can. During biblical times the horse was the fastest transportation available and I could relate to that. My whole life was consumed by my frantic galloping and racing, trying to outrun all the ghosts of my past: the feelings of guilt and condemnation for being so sinful and imperfect, my constant striving for approval and acceptance, etc. I was over-eager to convince my Pappa that with a lot of elbow grease and self-effort I could clean up my act and be worthy of His love.

I longed for His unconditional love, for His guidance and acceptance. I longed to walk with my God, but I was like a stubborn horse who lacked understanding. The jockey riding this horse was a very nasty fellow called Fear. He had a comfortable ride while I had to plow my way through the swamp of depression and despondency. I felt totally defeated as I was wallowing in the mud and mire of rejection and hopelessness. Mr Fear was a cruel man showing no mercy or kindness. Then that sweet day arrived when our God stopped this horse in its tracks with such velocity that Mr Fear flew off my back forever.

Our Pappa knew of my desperate plight and rescued me from this despicable man by allowing this illness to enter my life. It was the bit and bridle He used to lead this stubborn horse out of the marshland of despair into the beautiful meadow of His love and acceptance. Old habits die hard and I need to allow our Lord to keep a tight reign on the bridle of my life.

I am so grateful that He has, in His divine wisdom, allowed this illness to teach this galloping horse His ways and paths. Living with the constant pain and exhaustion that accompany Fm/ME is not easy, but is has taught me, like Paul had to learn, that His grace is always sufficient.

In conclusion, this is one horse that needs the firm Hand to lead it!

Hugs and blessings

Mia

Advertisements

11 thoughts on “A Senseless Horse

  1. Hi Mia,
    What a pure beauty of scripture Psalms 32:8-9 is and that Painting of those horse is just magnificent. I can only look at my own pain in life experiences of sickness, (mental illness and cancer). Also the pain of loneliness and a loveless marriage. I am starting to understanding that God does not make these things happen, it is because of the sin in this world and that is why there is pain and suffering. God certainly uses our pain for his good, and I have come to realise that I can feel sorry for myself or use my pain to help others.

    Thank you for your post

    Darleen

    http://myeaglewings-darleen.blogspot.com.au/

    • Dear Darleen
      Oh, how my heart cries for all the pain you have experienced!
      Thank you for your courage to share that with us. Yes, I agree with your comment that this broken world gives us more than enough sorrow, yet, we know that our Pappa will use it all for His glory and our good.
      Lots of hugs, love and blessings

  2. So glad to have you posting along with us. So much to learn from the scripture you shared. Many, many times the Holy Spirit has brought it to my memory. Thanks for sharing this.

    • Hi Kim
      You all make me feel so welcome at Amber’s blog. Thank you so much. I know it is not always comfortable to acknowledge our imperfections, but it brings so much joy to my heart to know that our Pappa loves uses regardless all our weaknesses. Bless you

  3. Visiting from Amber’s. I relate to this like you don’t even know. I like your question about why does God use pain to bring about His good? I wish I had the answer, but it’s my own question, too. God is faithful, that’s all I know…

    • Hi Amber
      Thanks for your visit at my blog. Yes, that truly is the million dollar question! But I agree with you 100% that altough we might not know the answer, we never need to doubt His love. I am also convinced that He works His good through our ignorance to.
      Love and blessings

  4. So glad you linked up at Amber’s place today. I, too, can so relate to this — the “gallop ahead like a frightened, senseless horse, as fast as I can” — trying to escape pain, my own condemning voice. Thanks be to God that he uses all things to teach us his grace. Thank you so much for sharing your story of pain and vulnerability. Bless you.

    • Hi Ashley
      It is so nice to meet you! Yes, dear one, we do some silly things at times, but as you have rightfully remarked, our Pappa works good out of even our silliness!
      Hugs and blessings to you to.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s