God’s Thoughts to me
And after the earthquake there was a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire. And after the fire there was the sound of a gentle whisper. (1 Kings 19:12, NLT)
A Memory Repertoire
Through the years our Heavenly Father blessed me with many special, memorable moments. It brings me joy to share these precious gifts with you.
With nostalgia I remember a little girl of about five on her way one afternoon to her pre-school cathecism class at church. She was in no hurry to attend the boring class, but the thought of the candy she would buy afterwards at the corner cafe, made the coming ordeal more bearable. Sighing, she looked up to the sky and noticed the thick array of cumulus clouds. To her it looked like a snugly, snowy, puffy, cotton wool curtain and she wondered if God was living behind those clouds. Him, being God and all, surely needed a big place to stay and behind the clouds was as big a place as her little mind could fathom. She was trying to figure out the mechanics of that dying and going to heaven business, since adults were still unable to answer her questions to her satisfaction. I know now that on that day my Pappa was whispering to me through the beauty of His creation.
Then, life happened and I followed in its footsteps. Through my growing-up years, all through adolescence, our Heavenly Father, on a few occasions, used His creation to catch my heart and draw my attention to Him. Of late, it seems as if He is using the yellow finches in our garden as a megaphone, measuring by the high-pitched decibels of the off-key symphony of noise they seem to be playing to their heart’s delight, having no concern for any melody! I actually envy their vibrant energy (a precious commodity to Fm/CFS sufferers) and simplicity. A finch is a finch is a finch with no striving whatsoever trying to be something other than a finch, except their coloring of course. Their wisdom is above human comprehension.
I can still vividly recall a time when I was truly a lost soul and my heart was wandering through a dark, cold, frightening 3-D forest: the forest of depression, despair and despondency. I could not even perceive the faintest glimmer of hope, when one evening, as I was gazing at the wide starry expanse, our Pappa reached down from heaven. In the tiniest of instants, through the vastness of time, a shooting star wrote a love letter on the tablets of my heart. My heart caught a whiff of liberty and I started my journey back to an uncertain somewhere. At that moment my mind raced back through time to the beginning when our Lord said, “And let there be light, and there was light.” (Genesis 1:3, NIV). My thoughts were silently enquiring:
Another breathtaking moment entered the centre stage of my soul, a few years ago when my sons were still just bambinos. One windy day I was taking a stroll down a lane edged by many pine trees, enjoying a small respite from motherhood. I suddenly “heard” the most beautiful music as the wind was frolicking through the pine needles. As I looked up, I was awed by the tree branches respectfully saluting me, while the pine needles were waving delightfully. I knew I was standing on holy ground and ran back home to fetch my two angels. When we arrived back at the scene, we could only hear the wind howling and see the branches fighting against the brute force of nature.
Forever edged in my mind, is the memory of my cat giving birth to a beautiful litter of kittens. I fulfilled the role as a cat’s midwife and had the honor of helping her deliver both her babies. The brave mommy was looking into my eyes all through her labour, purring contentedly, trusting me completely, a mere human. At that holy moment my heart was filled with gratitude and awe, knowing that I could always look into the eyes of Love personified, our Lord Jesus. I knew that I could trust Him to deliver me from the kingdom of darkness into His marvelous Kingdom of Light and Love.
My fondest, most precious moment is of the day I stood at my father’s sickbed. He was slipping in and out of consciousness. For a moment my heart touched his and I could experience his deep, inner joy and peace. I knew he was on his way home, being promoted to heaven, to be re-united with his heavenly Pappa for all eternity. My earthly pappa, with all his human limitations, was the one who showed me that God is love.
Dear Ones, these are precious moments which I cherish in my heart. I know that irrespective of what lies ahead on this road of chronic illness, these gifts from my Pappa are in His safekeeping, for He encourages us, “Store your treasures in heaven, where moth and rust cannot destroy, and thieves do not break in and steal.” (Matthew 6:20, NLT). I know that Fm/CFS is a crippling disease, physical and emotional, but allow me to remind you that this thief is unable to touch that deep spiritual relationship between you and your Lord Jesus.
Hugs and blessings