God’s thoughts to me
So he returned home to his Father and while he was still a far way off, his Father saw him coming. Filled with love and compassion, He ran to His son, embraced him and kissed him. ( Luke 15 : 20, NLT )
Before my forever present companion, Fm/CFS, entered and radically changed my life, I was a very active busy-bee trying to accomplish great things for God. Little did I know that : ” God does not live in man made temples, and human hands can’t serve His needs – for He has no needs.” ( Acts 17:25 ) I have now come to realize that our Father’s greatest desire is for His children to love Him and to share their whole lives with Him in an ongoing relationship of love and respect.
I, on the other hand, was like the crow from Noah’s ark running to and fro, never finding a place of rest. ( The crow flew. I ran! ) I could say that the reasons for my foolish behaviour were that I believed our Pappa God could not run His universe without my valiant efforts of assistance or even that our Lord Jesus was totally incapable of building His own Church and looking after His Bride by Himself and desperately needed my help. Since I really desire to be honest and truthful, I have to admit that the real reason is not these ” noble causes ” , but that I have actually been frantically trying to earn His love and acceptance. I think this comes from deeply rooted insecurities that were very much part of my life and thought processes.
Fortunately, after considerable time and effort ( huffing and puffing like the big bad wolf ), I came to the conclusion that trying to earn God’s love was just as useless as chasing the wind or my own shadow. I became angry at God, because the harder I huffed and puffed, the more distant He seemed to be. So I gave up, totally depressed, defeated, dejected and desperately ill. It truly was not by choice, but enforced by the Fm/CFS. The God of my thoughts seemed impossible to please.
Little did I know that our Lord, with so much love, patience and wisdom, brought me, at just the right time, to the end of myself. He allowed fibromyalgia/ CFS to enter my life. I had to stop : striving, doing, earning, scheming, huffing and puffing. My life as I knew it just abruptly stopped.
With a body wracked with unbelievable pain and incredible exhaustion from never sleeping ( I think all the fibromites know the drill, so details are not necessary ),I finally reached out to God. This time my hands were empty and I had nothing to offer our King. That pleased His Heart and He revealed Himself to me in such an intimate and profound way that for the first time in my life I knew, really KNEW that our Pappa loved me unconditionally. He does what He does because He is who He is, not because of what I do or don’t do. His actions flow from His character, not the other way around and He is Love, my Father, my Prince of Peace, my best Friend, my God, my Righteousness, my whole Life. Where I was blind, I could now see and my journey back home started. I was returning to my Father’s House.
Just like the prodigal son and Jacob on his return to meet Esau, this wayward child of our Pappa was also mentally preparing and verbalizing her homecoming speech of repentance and believe me, I had quite a few up my sleeve. I was totally unaware that our Pappa God was and had always been looking down that long road, lovingly and full of compassion, hoping and longing for my return. Since He is my Creator and I am the work of His Hands,He is fully acquainted with my everything. He immediately spotted me when I was still a far way of; just a speck on the horizon. Nevertheless He knew that this was His girl coming home. He could not contain His exuberant joy any longer and started running to meet me along the way.
For us to fully appreciate the depth of His Love and total disregard for His own dignity, we need to understand a bit of the Jewish culture during the time our Lord Jesus walked the earth. In those times elder men did not run. Running was really so not cool. They walked. Our Father even dishonored Himself further by hitching up His long robes to enable Him to run and showed a lot of leg. That was another big no-no. Our Lord disregarded all these traditions of men and came sprinting down the road to welcome me back. Before I could start my well-prepared repentance speech, His Loving Embrace and Kisses of Delight swallowed up all my insecurities, my shame and sin, my words. No condemnation or tough love, just overwhelming acceptance and love. What a joyous occasion was the homecoming celebration with me the guest of honour.
This is the reason for my blog, His Loving Embrace and my first post, Kisses of Delight.
I pray and hope that our Lord will use this blog to draw fellow Fm/CFS sufferers into His Loving Embrace and that all the future posts will be to you His Kisses of Delight.
Thank you for taking the time to share in my love for our Lord and King, Jesus.
Lots of hugs and blessings.